


Explaining you

by okelay



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-29
Updated: 2010-03-29
Packaged: 2017-10-31 16:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okelay/pseuds/okelay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claire gets over her hate and talks to Topher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explaining you

  
The music was blasting inside Topher's lab.his door was closed. it was as if he had a big sign announcing 'I'm very busy,don't disturb me'. Claire was surprised he didn't.  
She could hear it in her office. she recognised the song, but couldn't place it.  
she sat in her desk,ostensibly to do paperwork but couldn't concentrate. she found herself humming to the song, even remembering some lyrics. it was too distracting.  
her stomach groaned and she wondered when was the last time she'd eaten.  
she picked up her files and went upstairs. the door wasn't locked, so she walked in. Topher didn't notice, he was sitting in front of his screen, very concentrated. She thought a bomb could go off and he wouldn't notice. she left the files on the table and went to grab an iced tea and a turkey sandwich off the fridge. she sat comfortably on his couch and began to eat, watching him work. a million thoughts and questions about him passed through her head but she never thought about asking them.  
after eating she set off to work. sitting on his office, listening to the music, it wasn't distracting. she found herself able to work quite quickly. she made the appropiate notes on the reports and signed them in about half the time it usually took.  
She allowed herself some time to think. she decided to make a cup of tea. since she'd found out, she'd been questioning every little thing she said and did and felt and thought. everything that felt natural wasn't. but she couldn't not do it.she couldn't try and be someone else, so she just went along with being Dr.Claire Saunders, whoever she was. She'd been wondering about the extent of the imprint and wether or not any part of her was whoever she'd been born as. she wondered if there was room for evolution,if she could mature and change and grow old as Claire Saunders. she wondered about the rest of the actives as well. sometimes she felt jealous. at least they had adventures and lived a thousand lives.and maybe one day they would be able to leave. she didn't think that was an option for her.  
her musings were interrumpted by Topher's scream, who'd decided to take a break and had turned around to find her standing there.  
"What are you doing here?" he asked her, his voice higher than usual.  
Boyd ran in a few seconds later, gun drawn "What happened? I heard a scream"  
"she broke into my lab!" Topher whined  
"He screamed like a girl when he found me here. and the door wasn't locked."  
Boyd holstered his gun "is everything ok? it's not like you to scream every time someone's in here"  
Topher blushed a bit "I was just...surprised. I was concentrated and I didn't expect to see Dr.Saunders here" he explained.  
Boyd looked at the both, clearly confused "well,ok, then,I'll leave you to it." he left, closing the door behind him.  
they stood in silence,not moving for a few moments. neither knew what to say to break the ice.  
Claire went to the fridge and got a box of orange juice. she handed it to him.  
"I guess you wanted one of these" she said  
He stopped staring at her and nodded "yeah,thanks...I've been working on a new program and kind of forgotten to eat. I just hit a milestone so I figured it was time for a break" He grabbed a box of cookies off a cupboard and sat on the couch. she followed.  
"Me too. I was trying to work and your music distracted me. I heard my stomach groan and I thought I'd get something to eat"  
"What are you doing here,Claire? you could've gone into the kitchens. you normally do"  
she moved a little, feeling uncomfortable.  
"I just wanted to come up here. I'm not sure why. I like your office" she explained, not looking at him "I...I think I feel safe up here. It's comfortable. I got all my paperwork done quickly"  
"That's...good,that's good. you know,you're welcome to come up here to work. I don't mind. really,I don't"  
she gave him a shy smile "thanks"  
"I've just been wondering...why, you kow. like why do I feel safe up here. and if you put that in there"  
"I..it's not like that...I...you are..." he couldn't seem to get the words out so he sat in silence of a second  
"You're special,Claire. I did some of my best work in you,I believe. and I tried to...well,help, I guess"  
"What does that mean?"  
Claire looked scary and Topher tried to explain "See,DeWitt only told me she wanted a doctor. that's all, she left the specifications up to me. and I thought... since we're not letting you go...and I thought we should've done that,by the way. but I thought I'd try and do the next best thing. So I took your original,er,persona and build upon it.  
You see,your base personality...what you think and feel...that's you...I gave you a medical degree and some fake memories but I left the essentials intact"  
"so you're saying I'm...me? who I was born as?"  
he nodded "essentially,yes"  
"but how can that be? how can I be me if all my memories are fake?"  
"I...searched for similar ones to the ones you had. so you remember similar experiences.  
and,Claire...you kept your name"  
"I'm...Claire? really?"  
he nodded again  
"This is too much for me" she said, standing up and pacing  
"I'm not strong enough to handle this"  
Topher stood up in front of her and held her hand "Yeah,you are. Not because I programmed you to be but because that's who you are"  
"No!" she denied "I'm a construct,I'm not real"  
"You are real,trust me. You're not perfect but you're a work of art"  
"Why should I trust you? is there some line of code that says "trust topher"?  
"Claire...I knew you before"  
"What?! Then this is your fault?!"  
he sat down again "Yeah,more or less it is. that's why I tried to make amends, tried to get them to let you go. why I wanted you to hate me. and that's why you should trust me when I tell you you're you. You don't remember me and there's no equivalent in your memories but I did exist in your life. and not as the annoying colleague that ruined it"  
"funny thing is,Topher. I don't hate you. I don't trust you either but..."  
she walked to the couch and sat next to him "I do feel as if I know you. which makes me want to trust you, but other part of my brain says I shouldn't"  
"I just want to say...your ideas...your thoughts...what you've done...they're all you.they're not things I put in there. I wanted you to be real"  
She smiled "Well,thanks,I guess. At least I guess I won't going crazy questioning everything. but I do have one question, if you don't mind"  
He grimaced "I can't tell you anything about your previous life.it's for your own good."  
she shrugged "I figured, but that wasn't my question"  
"what is it then?"  
"well, you said DeWitt gave you free reign over what you did so,tell me, does she know who I am?"

Topher opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure as to what to say.  
"I... don't know. I mean... I didn't tell her but that doesn't mean she doesn't know"  
Claire nodded "ok."   
"I should get back to work" said topher "please, stay if you like"   
he closed the door and claire stayed there for a minute or two, thinking, before grabbing her papers are leaving.  
it had gotten too crowded.


End file.
